Navigating relationships with senior leadership presents a perennial challenge for middle managers. Learning how to speak their supervisor’s language, align with their goals and priorities, and anticipate their needs are critical skills for upwardly minded managers. These skills are commonly referred to as “managing up,” and they all require a level of emotional intelligence to execute.
For middle managers in particular, the task can be especially complex. Beyond delivering results, they need to balance competing expectations from above and below, often carrying a significant emotional load as they translate strategy into action while supporting their teams.
To manage up successfully, managers need emotional intelligence to read situations, adapt their communication styles, and build strong relationships. But often, these aren’t skills managers have developed in previous roles. Many managers were successful as highly skilled individual contributors — but they may not have developed the so-called “soft skills,” like emotional intelligence, or EQ, they need to succeed as leaders.
Far from being a fixed trait, EQ can be intentionally developed over time, and it plays a critical role in career advancement. Leaders with strong emotional intelligence skills navigate workplace dynamics more effectively, ultimately exerting greater influence, inspiring confidence, and accelerating their trajectory within an organization.
Why Do Middle Managers Need Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is a keystone leadership skill, and is especially important for middle managers, who often serve as the connective tissue of an organization. By strengthening EQ skills like self-awareness, empathy, and emotional regulation, managers can better balance the demands of leadership with the needs of their team, all while protecting their own well-being.
Michael McCarthy, founder of Boston Executive Training, host of the “Happy at Work” podcast, and instructor at Harvard Professional & Executive Development, explains why developing EQ skills is so important for middle managers.
“Emotional intelligence helps you read senior leaders, who often times try to be vanilla and blank,” McCarthy says. He went on to explain that senior leaders have typically mastered the art of remaining neutral to avoid revealing sensitive information. Picking up on subtle changes in their behavior can provide managers with key insights.
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McCarthy gives an example from his own work experience:
“I worked at a bank during the crash of 1987, and there were rumors we were going bankrupt. On that particular day, there was an article about it in The Wall Street Journal. Our managing director was always quiet, didn’t say much. But that day, he called a meeting. He took a copy of The Wall Street Journal, crumpled it up, threw it on the ground and said we weren’t going bankrupt. To do this whole drama and theater … I thought to myself, ‘I don’t believe it.’”
McCarthy was right to distrust his managing director’s behavior. Not long after that meeting, the company did, in fact, go bankrupt.
“It was his inconsistency, the break in the pattern, that signaled something was wrong,” McCarthy added.
But emotional intelligence doesn’t only help managers read leadership better — it directly improves manager performance and effectiveness.
Below are some of the ways high EQ skills improve managerial outcomes:
- Stronger, more productive relationships and teams
Managers with high EQ build more productive relationships by approaching communication with clarity and empathy. They are able to identify and diffuse tension before it escalates, leading to more constructive conflict resolution and healthier team dynamics.
- Increased employee engagement and overall morale
Research shows that emotionally intelligent leadership has a direct influence on engagement and morale. When employees feel heard, supported, and understood, they are more committed, creative, and productive. Middle managers with strong EQ create environments where people are motivated to contribute their best work, increasing performance and retention.
- Greater adaptability and resilience
Emotional intelligence enhances managers’ adaptability, enabling them to remain steady and resourceful during times of change or difficult periods within the organization. Emotionally intelligent managers are better at managing their emotions, which helps them better navigate the sometimes-competing demands that come from leadership and their team.
Social skills are the art of relationship management. Personally, I want to build trust. Avoiding conflict is easier — but not better.
Michael McCarthy
What Are the Most Important Aspects of Emotional Intelligence for Middle Management?
For managers looking to improve their EQ skills, dividing emotional intelligence into specific categories can provide clarity and focus. Experts typically break emotional intelligence into four distinct components:
Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions. Understanding how you feel — and why you feel that way — can help you react appropriately in challenging situations.
The familiar phrase, “Don’t shoot the messenger,” captures the difficulty most people have in understanding their emotions when receiving disappointing or upsetting news. Instead of recognizing the emotion as related to the bad news, the negativity is misdirected toward the person delivering it.
Situations like this often unfold in workplaces, with both managers and teams alike reacting negatively to individuals who are not at fault. Often, these outbursts are the result of limited self-awareness.
Managers can demonstrate strong self-awareness by pausing to acknowledge emotions such as anger, disappointment, or stress. By recognizing and understanding these feelings, managers can prevent them from spilling over onto others — especially innocent team members.
Self-regulation
Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions. Self-awareness is a key first step, but managers also need to control their emotions.
When hearing that a big project is behind schedule, most managers would naturally feel frustration, or even anger. However, the managers who are most likely to achieve positive outcomes are those who respond with curiosity and empathy rather than anger. Not only will they strengthen their relationship with the team, but also they’re more likely to find creative solutions to address the delay.
Likewise, managers who know how to regulate their emotions are more likely to find organizational success. “When you can regulate your emotions, leaders have more confidence in you,” McCarthy says.
Social awareness
Social awareness involves recognizing and understanding the emotions of others. Crucially, this doesn’t necessarily mean assuming everyone would feel how you would feel in their situation. Instead, it’s the ability to recognize someone else’s emotions. Managers who master social awareness are more likely to succeed with both their teams and senior leaders.
“Being able to read your leaders is super important,” McCarthy says. “If you can become a master of reading what isn’t said, you become a trusted person, and that really accelerates your career.”
Senior leaders typically don’t say everything they think out loud, so “reading the room” is an incredibly important skill for managers. One way to pick up on what isn’t being said? Take note of how each leader typically acts. When a common behavior pattern drops off, that’s often a sign of some kind of significant change.
“If they’re being very quiet and usually they’re enthusiastic or telling jokes, that’s how you can spot something’s going on,” McCarthy adds.
If you know your leadership team well enough, it can also be valuable to become comfortable pivoting in response to non-verbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions.
Social skills
Social skills refer to a broad range of behaviors, but for managers, top social skills include: the ability to influence others, manage conflict, work as a team, and inspire others.
“Social skills are the art of relationship management,” McCarthy says. “Personally, I want to build trust. Avoiding conflict is easier — but not better.”
Managers with poor social skills often struggle to manage conflict, either by ignoring it entirely or becoming emotionally involved. They also have difficulty influencing leadership and inspiring their team, usually because they don’t understand leadership goals and team values.
Managers with excellent social skills do the opposite — they establish trust with both leadership and the team by being proactive and reliable, and by understanding what matters to each group. They motivate their team by successfully communicating the value of their work, and they influence leadership by providing clear, consistent communication. Instead of hoping conflicts will disappear, they help team members work through challenges in a non-judgmental manner.
Can Emotional Intelligence Be Learned?
Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned, practiced, and developed. Developing EQ skills can be challenging at first, but it’s possible. In fact, there are multiple ways managers can master the four core skills that comprise EQ.
For managers looking to improve their EQ, here are some practical steps to get started:
- Name your emotions
Often, people don’t know what they feel. McCarthy says experiencing multiple emotions all at once — such as envy, jealousy, and sadness — can be read as confusion instead.
The simple act of naming your emotions has an outsize impact. It shifts the focus to reflection, so you can respond intentionally rather than react.
“Naming your emotions prevents amygdala hijacks,” McCarthy explains, “when you lose it — screaming, crying, acting out, that’s an amygdala hijack. When the emotional part of your brain has taken over the logical part.”
While the concept of naming emotions might sound simple, it’s an incredibly important skill for managers to learn and master if they want to be perceived as trustworthy and reliable and progress in their careers.
“People will never forget your amygdala hijack,” McCarthy says. And when managers lose their cool, both direct reports and senior leaders alike lose trust.
- Seek outside opinions
Everyone has blind spots, and managers are no exception. In fact, managers are more likely to overestimate their EQ skills — direct reports are unlikely to be honest in giving negative feedback out of fear of negative consequences. One way managers can get feedback on their EQ skills is by conducting a 360-degree emotional intelligence assessment that includes anonymous feedback from direct reports, superiors, and peers.
- Keep learning
Learning more about EQ is one of the best ways to improve emotional intelligence skills. Whether by reading books, listening to podcasts, or pursuing courses that teach EQ skills directly, managers can develop their skillset through continued learning.
McCarthy particularly recommends the books by New York Times bestselling author and psychologist Daniel Goleman.
“You need emotional intelligence if you want to be a good manager,” McCarthy says. “It’s like having a high school or college diploma; it’s just mandatory.”
Managing up with improved emotional intelligence
Managers who advance rapidly in their careers are often highly emotionally intelligent. They understand both their own emotions and those of others, manage their emotions effectively, and know how to motivate and influence others.
Professional & Executive Development’s Managing Up: Strategies for Successful Collaboration program teaches managers how to build robust communication skills with senior leaders and develop their emotional intelligence so they can increase their effectiveness, win leadership’s trust, and progress in their careers.
“Managers with high EQ make work a better place to be,” McCarthy says. “Managers have the greatest influence over how people feel at work, so you can improve a lot of lives and make the world a better place by being a better manager.”
Ready to develop your managerial EQ? Visit the Managing Up page to learn more.
What you’ll learn
In the Managing Up program, you’ll learn how to develop your emotional intelligence skills to successfully manage up, grow your career, and succeed as a manager.
In this course, you’ll learn:
- How to increase visibility with senior leaders for greater recognition and career advancement.
- How to build trust by aligning leadership’s goals to measurable results.
- How to communicate with clarity, presence, and persuasion to different audiences.
- How to navigate internal politics and culture to build strong, mutual relationships.
- How to influence others, manage upward relationships, and access the organizational resources that drive success.
If you’re ready to increase your effectiveness, develop your emotional intelligence skills, and grow your career, request information on the Managing Up course by visiting the program page.
